In the clerical music business, secretary-based experiences are considered especially hilarious. In New York City, the undedicated blogger who communicates these vivacious comedies is a member of an elite squad, know as the Story Revisiting Unit. These were her stories.
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My Week 1.
Day 1: My Red Carpet Welcome. Or Not.
After underestimating some killer morning traffic, I arrived at the door of Notting Hill Music 10 minutes late. No one answered my call to get buzzed in, but since the door happened to be unlocked, I walked right in. Now door #2 to the actual office was locked. I peeped in through the mail slot to find it completely dark and deserted. I stand there for a few minutes deciding what to do, and as I reach for the door to leave, someone approaches. A white man struts my way, sporting classic postman look and swaying a fedex envelope at his side. I follow him into the office, thinking that the postman has just saved the day. Instead of handing me the envelope, he walks into his office and makes a phone call to the people who were supposed to be there to train me. Turns out he was one of the directors. He tells me to keep myself busy until the others get here, and then proceeds to watch a sitcom in his office.
One lady finally arrives, and we begin training. She tells me how to transfer a phone call. End of training part 1. She goes into her office to "finish something real quick" while I go back to twiddling my thumbs. An hour passes. I walk up to her office and ask if I can do anything. She says no. I ask if I should answer the phone. She says no, and asks me to give her two seconds. I sit back down. Another hour passes and my thumbs have doubled in size from all the twiddling action. Now I'm beginning to starve. I decide to raise my hand and ask to be fed if she didnt come out in half an hour. Luckily she let me go 15 minutes later.
After lunch, we resume training. This time for real. She tells me how to do everything related to Royalties, then turns to face her computer. She turns back and asks "What's the problem?"
"Oh now?" I say."Yes."
And so begins the grunt work for my new career.
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Day 2: Sha hien...
I am immediately hit with a bank deadline and two stacks of papers to process, and intently try to finish in time. In the meantime, a client walks through the door and sits down, waiting to speak with our artist consultant. He begins mumbling, I'm not sure to himself or at me, but I had no time to chat. I continue working through his mumblings, and the word "boyfriend" catches my ear. I turn curiously and he asks, "Why don't you got a boyfriend?" I shrug and wonder if I'm emitting some sort of "single and ready to mingle" vibe.
Minutes pass. "You got any water back there?" he asks. I open the fridge and as I hand him the bottle of water he intentionally grabs my hand and stares at me grinning. I check to see if I had been turned to stone. Not knowing what to say, I manage to spit out "That was very tricky..."
I return to my seat, and the mumbling resumes. I hear key word "asian.""Uh...you like asians?""OH YEAH. Love em!"I continue typing, slightly horrified.
Minutes pass again. Of course he begins his mumbling and this time I catch the word "spoil.""Um no, I'm not spoiled..." I say."I'll take you for the weekend and spoil you." This time I turn my head to hide my hysterical laughter.
Thinking that was his grand finale of mutterings, I go back to work. He gets up. Instead of grabbing the door knob, he reaches for a post it, and writes on it. As he walks out (I'm on the phone) he looks at me, points at the post it and nods. I look at the post it, which reads "Sha hien, and his phone number."
If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to hook you up.
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Day 3: My Body Guard
"Mr. Postman" and I are the first ones in the office. He goes to the fridge and grabs some water, and casually asks me, "Was that guy overtly hitting on you yesterday?" We have a laugh about it. He says "Next time, give me the signal and I'll kick his ass."
"Oh, silly Mr. Postman," I think to myself as I imagine it in my head.
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I don't think anything will top the happenings of my first week.
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